I'm back for another day. Spent the day at home with DS11....still healing his sunburn. Went to the docs and he's ok to return to day care. SO back to work tomorrow I go! After two and a half days off, I really need it! My DS8 went to the Bronx Zoo today, and had a blast....but is pretty tired due to the fact he's been up since 5:30 am.
So the guy I had been seeing that I complained about yesterday....well, I bumped into him at the grocery store, with his ex wife and their son....and he completely acted like nothing was wrong. He talked with my son, and with me. Then as he was walking away asked me"see you soon?". So I asked him...."are you going to call me", and he said "yes", and I said "are you sure", and he said "pretty much". I doubt he will, I'm not holding my breath...but still...I mean really? I just don't get it! My kids really liked him...they keep asking when we are going to see him again. And with everything up in the air like it is...I haven't said anything to them. I should just put it all behind me...and keep him out of my life, and move on. I just don't know what to think anymore. If he really cared about me...he wouldn't have put me through all this, this past week and a half anyways.....So I'll just go with my gut from here on out.
I'm just discouraged with life right now. I just want to find stability and happiness in my life. I really don't think that it's too much to ask. I mean I'm a good person...and I try to live a good life....but I don't know..It's such a struggle for me, to just be normal, and to have normal things in life.
I really don't have any way of meeting new people, to even try to start another relationship. All those online dating sites are full of weirdos...and most are ugly and gross....Sorry I'm not attracted to any of that, and never will....I'm stuck...that's all there is to it. I'm stuck in this life and there is no way out, no way of making it better, no matter how hard I try.
So yeah, I got all my laundry done today....It was just as fun as I described yesterday, except, there was this really weird guy at the laundry mat, who was doing his laundry(if you want to call it that) at the same time as me. He brought in a basket of dry clothes...dirty, clean, who knows....and then proceeded to seperate them out into two different carts. Each cart he put into a different dryer..yes I said dryer...not washer...and put his fabric softener sheets in. Now the whole time he was drying his already dry clothes, he's watching them intently, grunting, and every so often opening the dryer and fluffing the clothes up, and restarting the dryer after. Then slowly one by one, he removed clothes from the dryer as it's still running and pressed them out on to a folding table taking the time to make sure there wasn't one wrinkle or crease in each article of clothing, and folding it just so. Seperating the clothes into stacks...and continuing to watch the other clothes dry. Thankfully, after our clothes were done washing we put them in the dryers and left for an hour while they were drying and he was gone when we got back! But it was definitely weird!
So I had an interesting day to say the least. I just want to crawl in my bed and sleep for days and hope when I wake up everything is perfect. I know that will never happen, but I can hope!
So it's 9pm...no phone calls, no text, no communication from the outside world...I'm isolated with my children, and just lonely and unhappy. I know I won't feel like this forever...but It's a long time when you are going through it!
Goodnight all.....Will post again soon!
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